Nationwide outbreak’s of Misplaced Possessive Syndrome (MPS) have resulted in growing shortage’s of apostrophe’s, according to official’s in the Bureau of Apostrophe Management (BAM). MPS, is a viral disease that causes it’s victim’s to use possessive's instead of plural’s, dramatically increasing utilization of apostrophe’s.
“The rate’s of apostrophe use have increased more than 500% due to MPS,” said Blake Witherspoon, BAM director in a televised press conference. “We are working hard to control the outbreak’s.”
“In the meantime,” Witherspoon continued, “people should not worry about getting the apostrophe’s they need. We have hundred’s of million’s of apostrophe’s in the nation’s Strategic Apostrophe Reserve and we will begin to release them if the shortage persist’s.”
The BAM is encouraging people with extra apostrophe’s to exchange them for other punctuation marks at the nearest BAM office. “With private contribution’s we believe we can respond to the crisis without touching our reserve’s,” said Witherspoon.
