Biblical Scholar: Jesus would have invaded Iraq

Duane Fitzsimmons, a Biblical scholar and computer scientist, has developed a computer program that predicts how Jesus would deal with modern challenges. The program, called WWJD, was calibrated against Jesus’ behavior in the Gospels of Mathew, Mark, and Luke, and correctly simulates Jesus’ behavior in the Gospel of John. Fitzsimmons has used WWJD to model Jesus’ response to challenges over the past 2,000 years.

“Over thousands of post-Biblical simulations WWJD’s predicted behavior for Jesus has been what one would have expected,” says Fitzsimmons. “In situation after situation, WWJD predicts that He would have chosen peace over war, charity over greed, generosity over selfishness. Then, surprisingly in the last few years, WWJD has predicted that Jesus would have reduced taxes on the rich, invaded both Afghanistan and Iraq, increased spending on the military, cut social welfare programs, and supported reprisals against Palestinians.”

Despite the unexpected results, Fitzsimmons is confident that the WWJD model is correct. “We don’t understand why WWJD gives the results that it does in modern simulations, but it’s an extremely complex program and not easy to understand. The fact that millions of American Christians, including a former President, seem to support these very same policies is encouraging. It’s hard to believe that both the WWJD program and all of these people could be wrong.”