Misplaced Possessive Outbreak’s Cause Shortage’s of Apostrophe’s

Nationwide outbreak’s of Misplaced Possessive Syndrome (MPS) have resulted in growing shortage’s of apostrophe’s, according to official’s in the Bureau of Apostrophe Management (BAM). MPS, is a viral disease that causes it’s victim’s to use possessive's instead of plural’s, dramatically increasing utilization of apostrophe’s.

“The rate’s of apostrophe use have increased more than 500% due to MPS,” said Blake Witherspoon, BAM director in a televised press conference. “We are working hard to control the outbreak’s.”

“In the meantime,” Witherspoon continued, “people should not worry about getting the apostrophe’s they need. We have hundred’s of million’s of apostrophe’s in the nation’s Strategic Apostrophe Reserve and we will begin to release them if the shortage persist’s.”

The BAM is encouraging people with extra apostrophe’s to exchange them for other punctuation marks at the nearest BAM office. “With private contribution’s we believe we can respond to the crisis without touching our reserve’s,” said Witherspoon.

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Bush Visit to Iraq not a Photo Opportunity

Citing the need to consult with top commanders and Iraqi leaders President Bush and top aides made a surprise visit to Iraq this week.

“This is not a photo opportunity,” said a White House spokesperson, “but an important event that required that the president meet face-to face with top commanders and Iraqi leaders. Since there are many top commanders and many Iraqi leaders, but only one president, it made more sense for him to pay them a surprise visit than for several plane loads of them to make a surprise visit to Washington.”

“This is not a photo opportunity,” said a defense department spokesperson, “but an important chance for not only top commanders but also middle and bottom commanders to meet with the President and tell him fact-to-face everything that they have been ordered to say about the military and political situation.”

“This is not a photo opportunity,” said a spokesman for the Association of Important Iraqi Politicians (AIIP) just returned from their August holidays. “It is a chance to meet with the President of the United States so that he can personally ignore what we have to say rather than doing it through intermediaries.”

“This is not a photo opportunity,” said one of the members of the special group of reporters, photographers and camera crews that accompanied the president on his visit. “It’s really not a photo opportunity. Really. It’s not. We’re writing stuff, too. So it's a reporting opportunity. Not a photo opportunity. Really. It is."