Iraqis not being killed in record numbers

More than 26,883,383 Iraqis were not killed yesterday in terrorist attacks according to a report released by the office of the Surgin' General. This is the largest number of Iraqis not killed by terrorists in a single day.

“This is part a trend that's been continuing since the surge began,” said Colonel John Davenport, a spokesman for the office of the Surgin’ General. “Not only are Iraqi non-deaths from terrorism rising dramatically, but we’re also seeing a similar increase in the number of Iraqis who are not maimed, not wounded and not kidnapped.”

While Davenport attributes the increase entirely to the effectiveness of the surge others are not so sure. “With Iraq’s population growing at 2.6% annually, or at nearly 2,000 people per day, it would be astonishing not see more Iraqis not being killed.” said John Webster, a vocal critic of the war. “There are just more of them.”

The Surgin’ General’s office also reported that 312,212 Americans in Iraq—including military personnel and more than 150,000 Halliburton employees—were also not killed yesterday.