By using neural imaging to measure electrical activity in the nervous systems of animals, scientists at the University of Maryland have proven that clams are happier than larks and that both are happier than pigs in shit.
Marshall Feynman, principal researcher, says the results are robust. "We have tested thirty breeds of pigs with more than seventy different kinds of shit," he says. "It makes no difference. Pigs in shit are never happier than larks or clams. In fact, pigs seem unaffected by whether or not they are in shit."
The research shows that larks are insensitive to being in shit, but clams are sensitive both to being in shit and to the kind of shit they are in.
"Based on our research," says Feynman, "the scientifically correct way to indicate that a person is as happy as possible is to say that they are 'as happy as a clam in lark shit.'"
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