Climate researcher John Williams says that the global climate change we experience today started nearly 400,000 years ago when early hominids invented fire, and began the process of completely fucking up the climate and just about everything else on the planet.
“We don’t know what the world was like before fire was invented,” said Williams, “but we do know that since then this planet has turned into a shithole.”
Using data from the Vostok Cores, which provide the most accurate record of climate over the past 400,00 years, along with speculations about when fire was invented, and his own distaste for modern civilization Williams has developed a theory that he says is a “near certainty.”
Data from the Vostok Cores
“If you look at the climate record over 400,00 years you can see that there have been four major glacial epochs along with five warm “interglacial” periods. The weather has varied by more than ten degrees from coldest to warmest. If we ask ourselves ‘Why all this change?’ the answer is clear. The invention of fire has completely fucked everything up. Not just climate change, but pollution, Fox News, teenage pregnancy, and the Republican Party can all be traced back to fire.”
“As long as we continue to use fire,” Williams says, “we’ll continue to be totally fucked.”
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