Giuliani campaign calls for water boarding in place of debates

Citing the ease with which candidates can change their positions during debates in response to polls and surveys, a spokesperson for the Giuliani presidential campaign has proposed replacing the current debate format with televised water boarding.

“As most of us know,” said James McKee, Director of Desperate Measures for the Giuliani campaign, “water boarding helps obtain information that is difficult to get by other means. And what information could be move valuable to the American people than the true positions of candidates on such topics as 9/11, terrorism, the 9/11 terrorist attacks, attacks by terrorists such as the ones on 9/11, and other things such as the economy or whatever?”

“In our proposed format,” McKee continued, “candidates would be given two minutes to state their position on a topic such as Islamo-fascistic terrorist attacks on large buildings in New York City, for example. Then they would be water boarded for twenty minutes to find out what they really believed.”

“We believe this will not only help the American people discover what the candidates really believe, it will raise the debates’ low ratings and get more Americans involved.”