89 Dead in Missouri Tornado: Al-Qaeda Claims Credit

In a videotape released to The Wolf Report today, al-Qaeda Terror Networks, NLC, has claimed credit for 89 tornado deaths in Joplin, Missouri on Sunday, and has taken retroactive credit for nearly 400 earlier tornado deaths across the United States.
“This is a rather transparent effort by al-Qaeda’s management to recover their brand and to get their IPO back on track, and will not succeed” said Simon Allen, Terror Network Analyst for The Wolf Report. “Americans are not gullible. They will not believe that al-Qaeda caused these tornados since they are so obviously due to the United States’ tolerance of gays in the military.”
The Al-Qaeda Terror Networks No Liability Corporation (NLC) was formed by Osama bin-Laden in 2002 and was headed for an Initial Public Offering as reported in The Wolf Report in 2008. A series of setbacks, most recently the death of their CEO, Osama bin-Laden, has repeatedly pushed back the IPO date.
Al-Qaeda Terror Networks is the exclusive licensing agent for al-Qaeda franchises, promotes the al-Qaeda brand, arranges Osama bin-Laden endorsements, and and develops a growing portfolio of al-Qaeda products. Until recently its corporate headquarters were in Abottabad, Pakistan.
Following the lead of the United States Government, The Wolf Report has decided not to release the videotape, and has instead tossed it into the ocean “somewhere off the coast of New Jersey.”