The bipartisan committee to manage the national debt is close to a deal that insiders say will solve the country's fiscal problems, The Wolf Report has learned. The deal, which has been under negotiation for nearly two years, will be announced as soon as the terms are finalized, possibly as soon as August.
Under the proposed arrangement, in addition to giving money to children who place lost teeth under their pillows, the Tooth Fairy will deposit funds in a special account to be managed by the Federal Reserve. Payments to children will continue in the traditional range: from ten cents to $5.00, depending on the wealth of the child's parents. Payments will be adjusted annually for inflation using a formula based on the Consumer Price Index for dental services. Payments to the government will be between $1,000 per tooth--the Tooth Fairy's latest offer--and $2,000 per tooth--the government's proposed rate. The two sides are reported close to agreement on a final figure.
The Office of Management and Budget, a non-partisan oversight group, has estimated the impact of the Tooth Fairy plan, using the more conservative number. The OMB reckons that if the nation's children lose 10 million teeth per year, the government would receive $10 billion in Tooth Fairy money. With the national debt currently estimated at $13.9 trillion dollars, Tooth Fairy revenues would pay off the entire debt in just 1,390 years.
One proposal, which source say is "under serious consideration" by the Tooth Fairy would give the United States credit for the lost teeth of children in any country that receives more than $1 Billion in US aid in that year. According to sources, if this proposal is accepted, then Tooth Fairy money might pay off the debt in as few as 820 years.
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