Clinton: I will be best candidate after the Obama assassination

In a speech that supporters described as “inspiring,” Hillary Rodham Clinton has announced that she will continue her campaign, not to win the nomination, but to give the Party it strongest candidate after Barack Obama’s assassination.

“Whether Obama is assassinated before the convention or whether he is assassinated while campaigning, the Democratic Party will need a candidate who is ready on day one—the day after the assassination” said Clinton.

“I am that candidate.”

“We will need someone who has prepared an inspiring funeral oration, who has practiced for months on end, and who will deliver it with energy and fire.”

“I am that person.”

“I am prepared to hunt down the assassins, even if they turn out to have been members of my own campaign. And when they are found, I will see that they get what they deserve.”

“I will unify the Party around the memory of the man who will have given his life to pursue the dream that I will carry forward, only less naively and more competently than he would have.”

“This is my pledge.”