Obama to pre-empt McCain by attacking self

Democratic front-runner Barack Obama plans to limit the damage caused by attacks from the presumptive Republican nominee John McCain by attacking himself first.

“The American people know there are problems in everyone’s past,” said an Obama staffer. “The important thing is to get those problems out in the open. Once the American people get over the initial shock, they pretty much forget about it. The way to prevent an 11^th hour scandal from hurting Senator Obama is by creating that today, at 3:00.”

To head off McCain’s attacks, the Obama campaign is readying a series of advertisements highlighting out Obama’s character flaws, lack of experience, and blackness. “We’re going to start off by showing he’s not fit to be President,” said a spokesperson, “and we’re going hammer that message until people start tuning it out. Then at the 11’th hour, it will be time to attack McCain.”

The McCain campaign is readying their early self-attack campaign. The first ad has news clips of McCain’s singing “Bomb Iran” saying we will be in Iraq for 100 years, and forgetting what country is which. Staffers are debating which closing line to use: “Vote for McCain, because he’s even dumber than Bush” or “Vote for McCain. He sucks.”