Rockies protest Sox win: “Belichick cheated”

The Colorado Rockies baseball team has issued a formal protest to Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig alleging that the Rockies’ base runner and catcher-pitcher signals were stolen—probably by Coach Bill Belichick of the New England Patriots—and provided to the Red Sox coaching staff. The Rockies want the series played over again while Belichick is kept under surveillance.

“While we have no actual evidence of cheating,” said Arnold Thomas, spokesperson for the Rockies, “actual evidence is no longer necessary in America. Rumors are sufficient. If the fact that Belichick might have cheated is good enough for a sports icon like Don Shula, it should be good enough for Bud Selig.”