The call for “No News November Ninth” that The Wolf Report reported (here) was heeded by billions of people—including the entire staff of The Wolf Report—who did nothing noteworthy that day. who did nothing noteworthy that day.
Unfortunately the day’s perfection was spoiled by several hundred thousand people who killed, maimed, stole, cheated, lied, won or lost sporting events, or otherwise spoiled what would have been a day of utter calm.
“I was thinking of like discovering a cure for like cancer or like building like some kind of space ship,” said Ted Brewster, an unemployed day laborer, one of the billions who participated in the day's events. “Then I like heard about the no news thing, and said like ‘What the fuck! I'll do it another day’ and like turned over and caught another eight hours of sack time.”
But not everyone was that committed to calming the earth on November Ninth. Ray Jefferson (not his real name) shot his brother-in-law early that morning. “I don't care what fucking day it was,” he said. “The sonuvabitch deserved it.”
According to World Health Organization (WHO) spokesperson Akidje Olotunje, “We will try again next year.”
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