Woman jailed for late-term abortion

A Texas woman has been jailed for carrying out a late-term abortion. The woman, Gail Bennett, has been released on bail. The fetus, Dean Bennet, was 27 years old.

“A 27-year-old is a human being,” said Amanda McPherson of the Coalition for the Preservation of Life and Election of One Issue Religious Conservatives. “A 27-year-old can’t be called a fetus.”

“I’m his mother, said Bennett, “and I can call him whatever I want to call him. And as for calling that fetus a human being—let me tell you that no human being would ever have treated his mother the way that he treated me, forgetting my birthday in 1997, sending me cheap gifts on Mothers day two different years, and then marrying Lisa, that bitch-slut, over my objections.”

“This is an attempt to control a woman’s reproductive rights,” said Marjorie Anderson, a spokesperson for the Coalition for Reproductive Rights and Election of One Issue Secular Liberals. “A woman has the right to her own body, and that fetus has been giving Gail such heart palpitations since he married that bitch-slut that the poor woman could not sleep at night. She needed to terminate the pregnancy to protect her health.”

“The question of when life begins has always been a difficult one,” said Professor Eli Forrester, prestigious ethicist and founder of the Association of Prestigious Ethicists. “Christian belief holds that life begins at conception; Jewish tradition holds that a fetus can not be aborted until it completes medical school; and the Umgabi, an African tribe studied mainly by prestigious ethicists, such as myself, believe that the Boston Red Sox will win the World Series twice before their chief god, oddly named Big Pappi, will carry out an abortion by global Dilation and Curettage.”