Months of hard work by the Democratic Party’s Committee to Snatch Defeat from the Jaws of Victory (CSDJV) is paying off as candidates Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama savage one another in an effort to cost the party as many votes in November as possible.
“Despite an unpopular president, an unpopular war, and a geriatric opponent,” said Myron Burke, chairman of the Committee, “this is an election we still think we can lose. Having a woman and a black as candidates is going to help us lose, but it’s not enough. It’s going to take more hard work and stupid mistakes on our part if we’re to lose to a man who wants to stay in Iraq for 100 years. But we’ve got an unparalleled track record at losing elections that we might have won and we’re going to lose this one. Our candidates are going to keep destroying one another until Daffy Duck could beat either one. And then do more damage until John McCain can beat them. The American people have to realize that we’re just plain not fit to govern.”
“Not if we have anything to say about it,” said Marie Warther, head of the Committee to Destroy the Republican Party. “In the last seven years we’ve helped George W. Bush violate every principle that our party used to stand for. We’ve had him increase the size of government, increase entitlements, unbalance the budget, raise the national debt, intervene in foreign affairs, and engage in nation building. If the American people can’t see that we have even fewer principles and less integrity than the Democrats, then I suppose they deserve a Democrat as president.
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