Lost Biblical passage recovered

An ancient Biblical passage has been discovered, according to Reverend Adam Turner, special advisor to the President on spiritual, moral, ethical, and electability affairs. The passage completely justifies the country's engagement in Afghanistan and Iraq.

"Some have said that the Bible says '...turn the other cheek' and that this is inconsistent with our invasion of Afghanistan and Iraq because of 9/11. But Biblical research has helped us recover the entire passage. The original passage, reads as follows:

‘...But I tell thee, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes thee on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue thee and take thy tunic, let him have thy cloak as well. If someone forces thee to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks thee , and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from thee.’

To which the newly recovered text adds this clarification:

“And if someone flies even one of thy airplanes into even one of thy buildings, then thou shalt invade every country thou wanteth and thou shalt smite them with shock and with awe and 160,000 of thy soldiers.”

Scholars disagree on whether the disputed term should be translated so that the phrase would be ‘…invade every fucking country…’ or, ‘...invade every mother-fucking country…’

“The President is proud that the actions that he took have been supported by the Bible,” said Turner. “We are now attempting to determine whether an additional text, which says that ‘And thou shalt not permit an axis of evil to persist’ will justify our planned invasion of Iran, North Korea and the Democratic National Convention or whether we can eliminate the axis by invading just two of the three.