The Democratic Party’s nominating process has reached a crisis as Pennsylvanians decide whether Hillary Rodham Clinton or Barack Obama is the real Rocky Balboa.
“I’m the real Rocky Balboa, for several reasons” said Hillary Clinton to a cheering Philadelphia crowd. “First, I’m Rocky because I am the underdog, trailing in the delegate count. Second, I’m Rocky because I’m the underdog, trailing in the popular vote. Third, I’m Rocky because at this point everyone says I need a miracle to win. Just like Rocky.”
“While Hillary Clinton can claim to be Rocky Balboa,” said Barack Obama to a different cheering Philadelphia crowd, “let’s remember that Hillary Clinton did not start out as Rocky. She started out as Apollo Creed. Or as Clubber Lang. Or as Ivan Drago. Or as Mason Dixon. But not Rocky. She was Hillary Apollo Lang Drago Dixon Rodham Clinton and I was Rocky. The true underdog.
“Now she’s losing and suddenly she’s saying she’s Rocky. When Apollo Creed starting losing he couldn’t say: ‘Hold on, I’m Rocky because I’m losing.’ When Clubber Lang starting losing he couldn’t say: ‘Hold on, I’m Rocky because I’m losing.’ When Ivan Drago starting losing he couldn’t say: ‘Hold on, I’m Rocky because I’m losing’ When Mason Dixon starting losing he couldn’t say: ‘Hold on, I’m Rocky because I’m losing.’ They couldn’t say they were Rocky because once you are not Rocky you stay not Rocky.
"Hillary Apollo Lang Drago Dixon Rodham Clinton can not suddenly turn into Rocky because she’s losing.
“I was Rocky. I am Rocky. And I will be Rocky.”
“Actually,” said Republican John McCain to yet a different cheering crowd somewhere, possibly in Iraq, “I'm Rocky. I was always the underdog. I came back from the dead and defeated seven of the world's meanest, nastiest Republicans. And, most important--whether for being Rocky Balboa or for being President of the United States--I’m a white male. Let's not forget that.”
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