Obama Ties Go Beyond Lobbyists

The Wolf Report has learned that presidential candidate Barack Obama is not only tied to lobbyists, as reported in a front page article in USA Today (see here), but is also connected to criminals, mass murderers, Communists, Nazis, and Republicans. Obama’s is connected to Al Capone, Pol Pot, Josef Stalin, Adolf Hitler, and Dick Cheney, among others.

“We have determined that Barack Obama is linked—by as few as four degrees of separation—to a bone-chilling array of scurrilous and unsavory characters,” asserted Adam Firth, sensational assertions editor for The Wolf Report, USA Today, and ABC News. “For example Obama’s wife’s girlfriend’s cousin knows a man who once met OJ Simpson. And a man who met someone who contributed to Obama’s campaign has a cousin who once passed the house of a direct descendent of someone who might have been in the Gestapo.”

Obama’s links may be familial as well. According to a geneticist consulted by The Wolf Report, Obama’s DNA is “almost certain to be a 99% match” to the DNA of many war criminals, serial killers, and lawyers, as well as all of the people of Iran and North Korea. According to the expert, Hillary Rodham Clinton’s DNA is a likely match as well.

To scientifically test these assertions, The Wolf Report has requested DNA samples from the Clinton, Obama, and McCain campaigns. The McCain campaign has informed The Wolf Report that “all of John McCain’s DNA was forcibly and painfully removed by his North Vietnamese captors during his long, valiant, and heroic years of torture.” The Obama and Clinton campaigns have called the assertions "outrageous" and "insane" and have refused to cooperate.

“The people have the right to know all about the DNA of any candidates who have DNA,” said a McCain spokesperson. “We support The Wolf Report's efforts to learn the truth about the candidates.”