Determined to answer administration critics, President George W. Bush has allowed himself to be subjected to the "enhanced interrogation technique" called water boarding. The technique, which according to Republican candidate John McCain was developed during the Spanish Inquisition, (see story) has been criticized as a form of torture.
"It's not all that bad," said Bush, after a two hour water boarding session with CIA experts in which Bush revealed: the names of the individuals that his father had bribed to get him into the National Guard during the Viet Nam war; how the missing records of his military service had been stolen and where they were hidden now; how had conspired with his brother Jeb to falsify electoral records in Florida; the location of a secret plan, created by Dick Cheney in 2000 to invade Iraq; and the name of his three current mistresses.
According to Don Sutton, head of the CIA's Directorate of Enhanced Interrogation (DIE) all of the information revealed by Bush has been confirmed and the relevant documents have been returned to their hiding places. "Without water boarding we might have had to use old-fashioned interrogation techniques involving the use of pliers and cattle prods on parts of the body that I won't mention in a family blog like this. Water boarding is a humanitarian alternative, and definitely not torture."
"I'm very happy that I got to experience water boarding," said Bush. "It's definitely not torture. It's a kind of therapy. I feel a lot better now that I've gotten all those things off my chest and I look forward to helping both Al-Qaeda operatives and innocent Iraqis feel as good as I feel today.
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