Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Bush Complains: "God not helping"

"God is not helping," said President George. W. Bush, in an exclusive interview with The Wolf Report. "I pray and pray and pray for God's intervention. And what do I get? Advice."

"I don't need advice," he continued angrily. "I'm the president. If I want advice I can convene a goddam special committee like I've done a hundred times. And if I don't like their advice I can ignore it, like I've done," he paused to count, "well about a hundred time, too."

"I'm not praying for advice," he concluded. "I don't want a deity who telling me that there are no WMDs in Iraq. Anyone can tell you that there are no WMDs when there are no WMDs. Even I could do that. Instead, I want a deity who will perform a miracle and put WMDs where there are none."

"I'm not making any threats," Bush continued, "But I believe in the free enterprise system and and this Allah guy seems to be doing better job than the guy I've been praying to."

"Certain parties should think about this: if I can replace Donald Rumsfeld, I can replace anyone."

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