“This—even more than his three marriages and his numerous other flip-flops—shows Giuliani’s utter lack of commitment.” said Romney. “Before rooting for the Yankees, a true Sox fan like me would—in this order—a) hope for the immediate and violent death of all members of the hated Yankees team, b) hope that the National League team would beat the hated Yankees by hundreds of runs in each game, and c) pray for the immediate end of civilization or the complete destruction of the universe, whichever could more effectively prevent the hated Yankees from scoring a single run, much less actually winning. I would take poison before I would root for them.”
“A man who would so easily abandon his team, even if it was the hated Yankees, and who would--as the result of the simple misfortune of having been drummed out of the playoffs--hope for the victory of a despised rival might well—if elected president and suffering the smallest of reverses—abandon the United States and start rooting for al-Qaeda.”
“Mayor Giuliani’s decision to support the Red Sox,” said a Giuliani campaign spokesperson, “had nothing to do with the fact that the New York primary is sewed up, Colorado is irrelevant to his coronation as the Republican nominee, and he needs to find ways to suck up to the voters in New England who might well have been fooled by his posturing if I had not just said what I just said.”
“Ooops," he continued, embarrassed, "can that be off the record?”
“Please!!”
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