DHS tests changing threat levels

The Department of Homeland Stupidity (DHS) is carrying out a series of limited tests of changed threat warning levels. The tests are being run to provide DHS bureaucrats with something new bungle.

Under the DHS’s current threat warning system (see graphic at right and DHS explanation, here), the threat level color has never been lower than Yellow since the so-called “Traffic Lights of Death” were created shortly after 9-11. The traffic lights have been Red several times and have been Orange for international air travel ever since the number of air attacks stayed dramatically at zero for no reason. No one understands what the colors actually mean since all levels of terrorist attacks seems to correlate to “almost none except in Iraq.”

During the tests, which have already begun, threat levels in specific regions of the United States are moved up and down for short periods of time to see whether anyone notices . “We have several hypotheses that we are trying to test,” said a DHS spokesperson trying to justify the outrageous expense of the program by using big words that sound scientific. “One hypothesis is that anyone who changes behavior in a way that correlates with changes in threat color is a terrorist. Another hypothesis is that nobody gives a shit.”