Terrorist Follows GI Home

In a chilling fulfillment of predictions made by supporters of the Iraq war, an al-Qaeda terrorist has followed a returning American soldier home from Iraq. The terrorist, Mohammed Faleh, appeared Sunday afternoon outside the home of infantryman Lewis Jacobi, recently returned from his third tour of duty

“He introduced himself very politely,” said Jacobi’s wife Amy, “and explained how he’d followed Lew home. So Lew and I invited him in to watch the Jets game and have some ribs. He was really quite nice—especially considering he’s an al-Qaeda terrorist.”

“With trans-Atlantic airfares at an all-time low thanks to deregulation’s fostering increased competition among air carriers,” said Faleh in halting English, “we terrorists can cost-effectively follow American soldiers home. But then what? I am the first of my family to come to America. I have no cousins driving taxicabs in New York. So how do I get a job? What do I do?”

“That’s where we come in,” said Amy Ledbetter spokesperson for the Terrorist Assistance League (TAL), a member of the Alliance of Bleeding Heart Liberal Charities (ABHLC). “We help terrorists like Mohammed get jobs, buy consumer goods, and quickly ssive credit-card debt—so quickly that they have no time to train to fly planes into skyscrapers or plant bombs in subways.”

“This is a chilling fulfillment of the predictions we have made,” said Amos Devlin, spokesperson for the administration. “To prevent more al-Qaeda terrorists from following more Americans home, all leaves and duty rotations from Iraq are cancelled until further notice”