The New York Yankees were held hitless and scoreless in the first game of the 2007 World Series, played tonight. So helpless were the once mighty Yanks in the face of Colorado Rockies pitching that they failed to get a single player to first base and were unable to get close enough to the ball to even hit one foul.
“It was pretty much a dream game,” said Colorado Rockies starting pitcher Jeff Francis. “I just knew that they couldn’t touch me. It didn’t matter what I threw. They couldn’t get any wood on it.”
“I’m not surprised that the Yankees sucked so bad,” said Terry Francona, Manager of the rival Boston Red Sox. “The Yanks are a bunch of overrated, overpaid, whining prima donnas who can be counted on to fold when the pressure is on. I’m amazed that they get as far as they have gotten some years.”
"The weenies," he added.
Faced with low television ratings attributed to the Yankees' dismal performance (virtually no one admits to having seen the game), Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig is said to be considering an unprecedented move: to have the nationally beloved Red Sox play the Rockies for the balance of the Series in place of the wretched, hated, overrated, underplaying, masquerading New York Yankees.
"The weenies," added Francona, unnecessarily, but entirely accurately.
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