"George Bush prays for guidance, but he doesn't listen to my answers," said God, in an exclusive Wolf Report interview today. "Either that or he listens, but doesn't follow my advice."
"What a jerk." the diety concluded angrily.
God, known to various religions under his professional or stage names which include Allah, Jehovah, and--to a small sect in Mississippi to which he recently revealed himself--as Big Billy Bob, spoke to The Wolf Report from a the center of a burning bush in Topeka Kansas.
"It pisses me off," God repeated, blazing higher and brighter. "I mean, the guy gets down on his knees; he acknowledges his ignorance and his frailty as a human being, which is dead right as far as I can see; he acknowledges my omniscience, which by the way is exactly what I knew he was going to acknowledge next; he asks for the wisdom to know what to do, which God knows--that is, which I know--he desperately needs.
"So I tell him: 'George, don't fuck with Iraq; it's going to get be a mess. Don't listen to Cheney; he's a lying asshole.' And what is he do? He gets, up and does exactly what he wants.
"Just as I knew he would, by the way," God added omnisicently.
"Thank God--that is thank Me--for The Wolf Report. At least you listen."
"Just as I knew you would."
No comments:
Post a Comment